Easter, Birthdays, Punks and Gummy Bears

Why do I do this to myself? If I updated more often, I wouldn’t be in danger of giving you a novel of epic proportions! I will try to keep it simple.

April is a busy month for the Deirocini family as we celebrate our risen Savior as well as both Brent’s birthday and mine. Living on one salary for the time being and learning to live on a strict budget where we use cash only (for which we are so thrilled) means that celebrations aren’t quite as big an ordeal as they once were. I wish I could say I had something super creative planned for Brent’s birthday, but I was having a crummy day that day and unfortunately there are no “do-overs.” He is such a tender-hearted man, though, so I know my meager attempt of making homemade spaghetti for dinner with red velvet cupcakes for dessert made his heart melt…not to mention my trip to Sears to pick up yet another set of wrenches for his tool collection. Which leaves me to wonder just how many wrenches one can accumulate until their collection is complete?

Easter with Elizabeth was amazing. We chose to attend the Saturday night service at our church so we could avoid a hectic Sunday with a little one (that and I’m terrified of a crowded nursery). Meme sent her a beautiful Easter dress…which she pooped in on the car ride home from church. And when I say pooped, I mean it had liquefied and covered the back of her dress and pantaloons when I picked her up out of her car seat. Easter night she woke up throwing up after she had been put to bed for an hour. Must have been all the chocolate candy she ate out of her Easter basket. Oh wait, that was Brent and I who ate all her candy! Anyway, holding your baby while they are chucking is scary, but once the storm is over and you’re rocking your sweet little one, you never feel more like a mommy than in that moment!

My birthday was the best I’ve ever had. Brent gave me my card the night before my birthday and when I opened it, he had an itinerary for my birthday. The best part? He had taken the off from work to be with me. That alone was present enough. He let me sleep in and then served me a homemade breakfast in bed! For lunch we packed Elizabeth up and went to Cheesecake Factory thanks to a gift certificate his mom gave him for his birthday. Afterwards he took me to ToysRus to pick out a new stuffed animal. Okay, don’t judge! I still sleep with a stuffed animal, but it’s not a comfort thing. I need to have my arm wrapped around something when I sleep. Yes, I know I could just use a small pillow, but it’s just not as cuddly. Afterwards we went to the mall to just walk around, hit the chiropractor (I’ve been having major headaches lately) and later hit Target and a jewelry store. I picked out a diamond bracelet I like (that I won’t get for a long time), but it was fun just to window shop! Last night as we watched an episode of House, he rubbed my feet for thirty minutes! I think the whole day cost us $20, but it was amazing!

Today it was back to reality! Below is a picture of Elizabeth at "work" while mommy is teaching.

Speaking of reality, I’m going back to work full-time next year. God has an interesting way of working things out sometimes. His ways never seem to be our ways, but that’s a good thing. I actually want to spend more time talking about this, but I’d like to dedicate a post entirely to this thought because there are several other things wrapped up in it, a part of it being the last HUGE mountain we are asking God to move. Yes, the same thing we’ve been praying for since right before Christmas. He already opened several doors and we’re waiting on the last one. It’s been a long time since we’ve started this journey, but we aren’t discouraged! We only want his perfect timing so we are learning a lesson in patience.

Elizabeth goes for her 9 month check-up next week. She still hasn’t cut any teeth, but she’s sitting up entirely on her own. She’s also learning how to move her legs so crawling is probably on the horizon. Well, she does crawl, but only in the direction of “backwards.” She has brought so much joy into our lives and I can’t imagine life any other way!

Much love to all of you!

Snapshots...minus the snap...or the shot.

Okay, here’s the truth… I would update more often if I had the time to insert pictures to go along with my posts. Remember when you were a kid and all you cared about were the pictures in the book your mom was reading to you? I feel like I let my readers down by giving them a text-only version of what’s been going on in my life. There you have it. With that being said, there are no pictures for this post, so those who need a visual with which to follow along, you have my blessing to stop reading now.

So here are the last three months:

Elizabeth’s first Christmas was so special. Somehow, I managed to beat my brother out to get my parents for the holiday. They never come to Florida for Christmas, so all I have to say to David is, “I win, I win!!”

In January, I taught the Truth Project for two weeks as a J-term class at Master’s. Brent’s mom and my mom took one week each to keep Little Fuzzy Head while I was gone. It was so nice to get out of the house and be around students again, but it also made me realize that I’m not cut out to work both in the home and outside the home while my kids are young.

The annual Shot Show was in Las Vegas this year (as it will be for at least the next 5 years). Brent managed to get his own room so I was able to tag along for 4 nights! He was all taken care of by the company, and we purchased my plane ticket with sky miles leaving meals the only thing left for which to pay. It was an amazing deal and a much needed time of rest and relaxation (at least for me, since Brent had to go to work every day). I’m so thankful for my mom agreeing to stay an extra few days to keep Elizabeth.

Elizabeth weighed 12 lbs and was 22 inches long at her 6 month check-up. She’s still only in the 25^th percentile for her weight, but her growing curve is moving right along just as it should be.

We are now all caught up to present day! Most of you know that as of last week, I am teaching first hour 11^th grade English at Master’s. They had the full-time position open and believe me when I say they tried to get me to take it, but I understand my limits and I’m pretty sure I would have had a breakdown before the end of the school year trying to balance being a wife, mom, housekeeper, mentor, teacher, disciplinarian... After several attempts to make this work, I felt comfortable taking on one class especially since I could take Elizabeth to school and have someone personally watch her for me for the hour. The timing is perfect because it doesn’t interfere with any feedings or naps! I am so thankful for this opportunity to enjoy getting out of the house four days a week and interacting with my “kids”! It’s also going to be nice to bring home a small paycheck for the next few months.

Speaking of a paycheck, there are not words to describe how much Brent and I are enjoying our small group’s study of Financial Peace University. Several years ago Brent and I were able to pay off all our consumer debt and build up our savings. If things had happened differently, I would not be awarded the luxury of staying home with my sweet baby girl, so all praise be to God for giving us the motivation and the means to accomplish our goals! We feared and trembled at the thought of going down to one paycheck, but once it happened and we prayed and relied on the Lord, he has been sufficient to supply all of our needs. When we found out our group was doing FPU, we hesitated to join since we had already completed a Crown course, were out of debt, and were “doing okay.” We honestly decided to commit to the thirteen weeks for the fellowship of it. Oh God had greater plans. We have been reminded of so much and have learned so many new things in only the four short weeks since we’ve started. Dave Ramsey’s way of living is not just a list of suggestions, but a total lifestyle change. It takes discipline and hard work, but it is so worth it!!! Anyone wanting to get control of their finances and think about the future and the legacy that is being left to your posterity ought to consider taking this course. It even gives you the tools of how to teach money management to your kids! He points out Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” Interestingly enough, most people don’t look at the very next verse, “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.” It’s a life changer!

So back to the paycheck…We’ve been praying for God to bless us so that we might bless others and my taking one class at Master’s is just one of the ways that God is pouring his rich blessings into our lives.

We still have one big blessing we are pleading with God to give us, but we are waiting on his timing. He has already opened so many doors that we thought impossible and now there is a mountain to move. It has been a total adventure and even if the outcome isn’t what we’ve hoped for, he has matured our faith and reliance on him and the journey was totally worth it.

Sometimes God takes us through the journey not because there is something at the end, but because the process is the prize.

Struggles

I have dealt with anxiety and depression all my life. My father is to thank for the anxiety part of it, or so I believe. He prepares for worst case scenarios (because you always have to have a plan), wakes up at 5 a.m. in the morning to start thinking of all he has to accomplish during his day (yes, even still at 66), and he has been known to walk out of movie theaters halfway through a movie, not because he wanted a refund for a terrible show, but because he believed there was more he could be doing with his time. How I wish I could be carefree and not feel like my world is going to collapse if I don’t have a plan! When I was teaching, I would wake up in the middle of the night thinking about my classes, always wanting things to be planned perfectly. Housework? If I thought the weekly cleaning wasn’t going to be completed by the time I thought it should, I would completely freeze and melt down. My slight OCD plays a part in this as well. There must be an order to everything and I must follow that order. I even have an order by which I clean my house. All of room A must be complete before I can move on to room B, and B NEVER gets cleaned before A. And of course, there is the social anxiety I deal with from time to time. I received acute shyness from my mom (who hid underneath furniture as a little girl when guests would come over to their house). Even now, when someone has to call in a take-out order, I avoid it at all cost! In middle school, my brother made me cry because he forced me to go into a grocery store to buy orange juice to take home and I didn’t want to interact with the check-out lady. I am also a thinker and to me, there always needs to be clarification to any question. For this reason, I hate interviews. It’s not because I don’t believe I have a product to sell, but because I dread not knowing the questions ahead of time because I need the luxury of time to thoughtfully think about my answers. I don’t do “off the cuff”. For instance, I was once asked in an interview what my favorite book was (I taught English), but to me, there’s a ton of qualifiers to that question and I always feel like I need clarification. How am I supposed to pull out one single book of all time? Are you asking according to genre? Time period? A particular movement? And I feel dumb that I have to clarify questions because I always see more than one answer, or if I have to take a moment or two to think through my answer. Maybe I should just have my stock selections ahead of time and not care about clarification…just give an answer…but I like to be thorough and genuine. It just takes time for me to process and get the answer back out of my mouth. I’ve been labeled “snotty” and “stuck-up” by people who don’t know me very well thanks to my shyness. I have very strong facial features and when I am quiet a lot, people tend to find me intimidating or rude. If I have ever not returned one of your phone calls, it’s not because I don’t like you, but because talking on the phone stresses me out.

How in the world did I become a teacher, you may wonder. A job that makes you multi-task like a circus clown doing a juggling act, a job that makes you throw plan A out the window alongside plan B because it’s not working and coming up with a new plan on the spot, a job that makes you stand up in front of 25 high school students staring at you while you talk, and taking charge at the same time if any of them crosses you. I have no answer to that except divine intervention. I’m a different person when I walk in the classroom and God gives me the coping mechanisms I need to not only complete my job, but enjoy it.

So depression too? I think that stems from the anxiety. When I reach the point where I can’t handle my anxiety anymore, I become depressed. The best way I feel that I can deal with a situation is to sleep. There are times when depression sets in for no reason. The whole “Bev, what’s wrong?” – “I don’t know” scenario. I have an awesome life. I hold onto my faith, my husband, my beautiful daughter, my strong support group, but sometimes it’s unavoidable. People often say, “Just think positive thoughts,” “Count your blessings,” “It’s all in your head,” “Just be happy.” It’s as if they think I can flip a switch in my brain. The problem isn’t that I’m not thinking positively, or have lost sight of being extremely blessed, or that I’m “sad”. I also hate when I hear people say that something is very wrong if a Christian is depressed and that I shouldn’t allow myself to feel this way, as if I have a choice. Some of the most Godly examples such as Job and David suffered bouts of depression.

A few years back, I was put on medication to help deal with my anxiety. It definitely worked, but I hated the whole “cloudy” feeling it gave my head. I wouldn’t feel anxious or depressed, but I also seemed to not be able to experience excitement. Everything was just a mediocre reaction. The medication didn’t last long as I decided I’d rather deal with the anxiety and depression on my own than not be able to experience a wide range of emotions.

Writing used to help me deal when I struggled with bouts of depression, but I have lost my motivation to write much in the past five or six years. As soon as I receive a new wind of inspiration, it leaves me just as quickly.

So today, and yesterday, and the day before have been hard for me. I know the storm won’t last much longer as it usually passes by within days, but if I have ever seemed not interested in talking to you, or don’t make much sense, or take too much time, or need clarification when answering your questions, or constantly let phone calls go to voice mail, please know that it’s nothing personal.

This has been therapeutic.

How Life Keeps Changing

I’m not nursing anymore. In fact, I haven’t been nursing since Elizabeth was about seven weeks. I hate telling people when they ask, because more often than not I get the “aww, you poor thing, I feel so sorry for you” look as well as a giant list of troubleshooting options that I should have tried. They so desperately wanted me not to “give up”. I gently tell them that I’m not “giving up”, but rather making a decision to stop because it is in the best interest of my family. I did see a lactation consultant and we were doing everything “right”. It just wasn’t working!

It’s hard to make someone understand the difficulty of nursing Elizabeth when their own sweet child was a picture-perfect nurser, who was calmed just by lying in their mother’s arms. My little jelly bean kicked and squirmed and cried and dislatched (I know I’m making a word up here, but you get the point) about thirty times per feeding. She was not happy and I was not happy. It was so stressful trying to feed her that I would often cry when I knew it was time for her to eat. How was I supposed to bond with my sweet pea when I hated life? There of course were other factors involved in my decision, but this was the overpowering one! We switched to the bottle and she continued her fussy eating. After a visit to the pediatrician’s office, we put Elizabeth on formula that was for lactose sensitivity. It cleared the fussy mealtimes. However, she still moves her head around all over the place when she eats and the only way I know how to describe it is that she sees something moving on the ceiling at an incredibly fast pace, zig-zagging about and she is intent on following it around the room. It makes keeping the bottle in her mouth a challenge and stretches feedings out to forty-five minutes, but that is heaven compared to what I was experiencing with her in the past.

She’s getting ready to turn 12 weeks on Friday and here are some of the cool things Brent and I enjoy about her:

We can make her smile.

We can make her laugh (on occasion).

She talks back to us (I know this will mean something different when she’s 13).

She goes to bed at 7 and sleeps until Brent wakes her up at 10:30 for a final bottle, and then she sleeps until about 7. I no longer have to get up to feed her in the middle of the night! I’m not sure how long I should wait until I start backing her 10:30 feeding up to get to the 7-7 schedule. All I know is that for the past two weeks I’ve gotten 9 hours of sleep at night and I’m not ready to tamper with that just yet!

She takes three naps a day. The first is in the morning and usually stretches to three hours, at which time I wake her because it has been five hours since she ate last. I wonder how long she would sleep if I didn’t wake her. She has an hour long afternoon nap and a forty-five minute evening nap!

Elizabeth hates tummy time, and I’m lucky if I can get her to hang out on her belly for longer than a minute before she starts screaming bloody murder. My child may be late to hold her head up completely on her own and crawl!

For my own sanity, I make a meal plan each week. I always planned in my head what we would be eating for the week, but now I have each meal of the day written out so I get only what I need at the grocery store. We buy a ton of chicken from Costco and prep and freeze it so we have ready-to-make meals that just need to be thawed the night before. Some of our regular rotation: stir-fry, fajitas, homemade pot pie, BBQ chip chicken.

Since my last M4M meeting, I have been on a mission to cut out as much processed food as possible and have been on a war against high fructose corn syrup. I’ve always known it was bad for your body, but when I found out that they use mercury to extract it from the corn, I decided I was done.

I always read labels at the grocery store before, but mostly for its nutritional content. Now I read it for the ingredients. It’s hard to buy things without HFCS! We basically now eat meats, fruits and veggies, whole grain bread, pasta, and dairy. I try to get things that are as close to their natural state as possible…which means no more boxed snacks. Also, gone are the days of canned veggies. Fresh frozen is my preferred choice since it doesn’t have preservatives in them and they were “picked” at their highest nutritional peak! Of course, there’s still a load of crap we have in our pantry so we’re eating all that stuff so it doesn’t go to waste. I will never be a super health freak, and I will still order that pizza one night a week, but I am much more conscious now than I ever was. How can I expect to teach my daughter healthy eating habits if I can’t get my own under control. The problem probably stemmed from the fact that I’ve never had to watch what I eat so I’ve never felt like I had motivation to be careful. Now it’s not about the appearance on the outside, but the health on the inside! Again, I’m not a super health freak, so when you see me grab some cookies to go along with my glass of milk, don’t reprimand me!

P90X dvds are lurking on my kitchen counter staring at me every day. They are already intimidating me and I haven’t even started yet. Putting it off as long as possible is my game plan right now, because I know once I start, I have to commit, and everyone keeps telling me how much I’m going to hate life once I start.

In other random news, I’m finally watching LOST. Never was I ever interested in the show while it aired on TV. My brother and dad really got into it when it first started and I thought the whole idea sounded like it should have been made a movie instead of a television show. When they began to air the previews for the final season, I finally said to myself, this look interesting…and that’s when I began with season one. (By the way, my brother and dad quit before the first season was over because they found it too far fetched) I’m totally hooked!!! Brent and I just started season 2 and are honestly glad we’re watching it on DVD so we don’t have to wait week to week to find out what happens. I LOVE a good mystery!

The Shot Show is in Vegas this year so if I can stand to leave Elizabeth for several nights with my mom, I might be meeting Brent out there for half of his trip!

Ahhhhhhhhh…it’s that time of year. Halloween is right around the corner, followed by Thanksgiving, then Christmas. I love it!